she woke up with a sticky ear
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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