Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
this hospital has no fireball
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
