After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
