Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
