remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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