I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
