i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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