Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
