The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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