I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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