I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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