I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
