if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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