you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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