cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
