i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
