Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
