for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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