i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
