dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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