So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
