He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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