i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave