evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married