So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
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Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.