I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.