so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.