I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
