We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
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And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday