Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Randomize
Follow @tfln