I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.