i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
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I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive