I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Its about making memories worth repressing
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK