DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
