I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
