brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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