I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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