Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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