you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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