I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
