If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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