just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So many bounce houses so little time
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
