Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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