Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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