I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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