at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize