I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
