wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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