we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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