you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
