i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
