This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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