so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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