i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
