her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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