Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
