I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
