She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
