And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
