I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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