She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Every concussion has its silver lining
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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