Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
