mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
