One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
