Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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