Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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