my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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