Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
