Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
