why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
